Sunday, March 30, 2014

Traces of His Fingerprints

Andy and I had always dreamed of having four kids. The fact that we started with twins - which Andy still jokes was 'his' idea - was a really efficient beginning!

We found out that we were successful in conceiving our fourth baby on January 10th. What a celebration! I had intended to keep the secret until we had an ultrasound around 8/9 weeks. And for a girl who's really close with her mom, keeping this kind of secret from her was NOT easy!

It was a quiet celebration, with just me and Andy, basking in God's goodness and celebrating the possibility of new life! God had been so good to us. And we were so very grateful. The baby would be due in mid-September, just a few weeks after the boys started their first year of kindergarten. I'd be home with just Megan and would have a little extra time to commit to just my two youngest. We couldn't have planned it any better!

It was just a little more than two weeks later that Ben's headaches started. January 27th, to be exact. I was feeling very tired, but still pretty good. We made a few routine trips to the pediatrician, came home with a diagnosis of a sinus infection. The headaches continued, we got a stronger antibiotic, went to the emergency room. All of this was sort of out-of-ordinary for our healthy little boy, but nothing that most moms don't experience at same point in their parenting journey.

On the night of February 5th was when we first learned that Ben's headaches were because of a tumor. A big one. We wouldn't know for almost two weeks that it was cancerous. That Ben would undergo brain surgery and have been given a grim prospect of life. That our lives would have been forever changed.

And all the while, I was carrying a new life.

And let me tell you. I was angry. Really angry.

THIS was NOT part of the plan. How could God do this? In addition to being extremely tired, I was also very emotional. Andy and I just cried and cried. We'd sit outside Ben's hospital room door after he had gone to sleep and just hold each other and weep. How was this possible? Our sweet sweet boy. He would be the one to get most excited about a new sibling. He had always been so gentle with Megan. The teacher. Lessons about patience and goodness just seemed to come naturally to him. We just couldn't imagine our family without Ben in it.

God. WHY?!?

For the first few days after we learned Ben's diagnosis, I could not talk to God. Unless you count screaming and yelling. Then yes, I talked to God all day long. It took me a few days to come back to reality.

I'm glad people didn't try and encourage me during those few days. I think it would have driven me farther from faith. It was as if they knew I'd find my way back. I just needed some time to be human. They let me cry and cried along with me. They let me ask unanswerable questions and didn't bother to try and offer solutions.

Thankfully, God allowed me that privilege as well. Thankfully, God can handle me expressing my emotions. He's God. He's got pretty big shoulders. And He can totally handle it.

I think God cried along with me. I felt His arms holding me close.

I can't say that I still don't feel angry at times. I do. I feel a lot these days. And many of the emotions, I feel all at once. Sadness, grief, joy, gratitude, hope, sorrow. Being pregnant just intensifies them. One little thought, picture, video can bring a multitude of tears rolling down my face without even batting an eye. And it comes out of nowhere. Brushing my teeth. Looking at a picture that's been on my wall for years. Going through the videos on my phone. Hearing someone mention how many kids they have. A song on the radio. It all brings an overwhelming flood of emotions.

I caved and told my mom the news of our pregnancy when she saw Ben in the ICU after he had been admitted. I just couldn't handle going through this and my mom NOT knowing. I'd need her strength to help get me through.

Andy was worried about the radiation and chemo. Would I be able to accompany Ben to Roswell? Would that pose a threat to the baby in any way? We were pleased to learn that it wouldn't. The only precaution Ben's oncologist suggested we take was to let Andy administer the chemo, not me. And then I should be wary of touching any of Ben's secretions including urine, bowel movements or the like. That's when I called my friends and asked to take them up on their kind offer to clean my bathrooms. It had become a chore that was unsafe for me and my growing baby in utero.

I'm not sure if you know this about me, but I am a worker. A do-it-yourselfer. Andy and I have always been sort of proud in that way. We like to do things ourselves. We help others when we can. But it is so much easier for us to give than accept. Asking for help - or even receiving help when it is offered - was a very difficult thing for us to do. We had now found ourselves in a position, however, when we needed to ask and accept help. Because of Ben's situation, but also because of mine.

I just don't have the energy I used to have.

I've been getting bursts of energy every few days since I've entered the second trimester. But you can only do so much when a chubby four-year-old awkwardly follows you around the house. Just wants you to sit with him. Hold him. And take naps beside him. In many ways, perhaps this was good timing to be pregnant - I could never refuse a nap! But it is also difficult to sit when your mind is going a million miles an hour with everything else you could be accomplishing, even with just a smidgen of energy. It only takes a minute for me to remember that resting is the best thing I could be doing, for both of my babies.

I didn't tell the kids about the baby until we were in Florida. I knew they wouldn't be able to handle such exciting information without telling everyone else about it. And it's pretty easy to mask a growing belly here in Buffalo when I just wear jackets all day in the cold! But wearing tighter-fitting maternity shirts in Florida, Ben noticed. "Mom," he told me one night, "your belly is getting really big." He would have been the first to notice. By then, we had learned the sex of the baby, so I asked the boys to guess the gender. Again, Ben was right. Jack guessed a boy. What a joy, to be able to celebrate the growing life of their baby sister in my belly! Every so often, Jack will come up to my belly and put his hand up to it, doing his best to convince me that he can feel her kick. That would be pretty remarkable, considering the fact that I haven't even felt that yet!

"Two boys and two girls!" Jack keeps saying. Every time I hear that I want to weep. Oh, boy, I hope so. I hope this baby girl can meet her big brother Ben. I want Ben to meet her.

And let me tell you, this is going to be one resilient baby girl.

I could never have anticipated things to happen quite like this. I mean, who could? No one ever invites cancer to invade their homes. It is an all-too-familiar enemy. Even God hates cancer. And weeps for those who have to suffer through it. But through all of this, God has a plan.

"For I know the plans I have for you,”
declares the Lord,
“plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11

I had chosen this as my life verse when I was in high school. And I have always been encouraged by God's promise. But as Andy and I began walking this journey, we started questioning its truth. What good could God possibly bring out of this? What good could possibly come from my son dying? Or at the very least, going through this horrific experience?

Honestly, I don't have an answer for that. But truthfully, it is not for me to know. I have been instructed to just take one day at a time. Trust. And follow God's footsteps. Because even if I can't see His map, God's got a plan.

You know how I know? I can see traces His fingerprints everywhere.

64 comments:

  1. Continued prayer here in Raleigh, NC for your sweet family of 6 :)

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  2. I pray with every fiber of my being that Ben gets to meet his baby sister and to be her protector. Every single night before I go to bed I ask God to help so many little ones. It isn't fair to them to go through so many awful things. It breaks my heart knowing there are so many fighting every single second for their lives. I pray for a good pregnancy and a smooth delivery for you and that she is as healthy as can be. You have one amazing little boy and you yourself are such an amazing person.

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  3. oh mindy this is just beautiful. your family is also how you get through everyday i have no clue but you do and with a smile although i know you must be devastated inside this is not supposed to happen its so not fair that parents outlive their children! I write to ben everyday and i am praying agin for the 1st time in years in this he has given me hope and i am waiting for his miracle along with you god bless you all sauers..:) and congrads on your new addition..

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  4. You r so strong, Mindy. I admire your strength. I know you may not feel it. But we see your strength in your writings. The Salems are praying for your family.

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  5. Continuing to pray for you all here in St. Louis, we pray every morning as I wait with my kids to get on the bus. Praying for a smooth pregnancy as well. When I think or you I think of the son "God Will Take Care of you" it's an old song but it's song great by Plumb!!! you tube it ;)

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  6. Praying so much for Ben and now also for you and your new little one. Thank you for being so real in sharing your journey. Know that you and your family are loved and lifted up in prayer!

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  7. I gotta admit... I noticed your baby bump at the benefit March 9th. I have wondered since then. You were standing in just a way, that a perfect round bump protruded from your neon yellow shirt. What a gift. What a blessing. Congratulations!

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  8. Hi Mindy. Your verse in Jeremiah 29 is also my life verse. As I read your blogpost, my heart was so touched. I want to thank you for being so authentic and vulnerable. We walked through the death of our firstborn grandchild (at birth) and I struggled a lot with the WHY GOD's that I asked. I also knew that His shoulders were way bigger than all my ranting. What a God we have - that can take it all. You are so honest and willing to share with those of us - many I assume like me, who was pointed to your blog through a mutual friend. I continue to pray for Ben - and for healing. God says be bold … so this is how I will pray. I will also continue to pray for you and Andy, and for your family including this precious little one growing in untero! May you rest well tonight - and may God continue to give you all the strength you need in this journey. Hugs from Canada, Joy

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  9. Congratulations, Mindy and Andy! A precious gift -- what better to illustrate our very tangible Hope. Continued prayers lifted with yours.

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  10. Mindy and Andy congratulations on this blessing!

    I thought of Ben in church today as we read the Gospel of John, Chapter 9, and welled up. May Ben be the one brought into the world so the works of God might be displayed in him. So that he may meet his newest little sister in September!

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  11. Praying for Ben and your family!!

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  12. I can't think of a better mom that God could have given Ben than YOU!!! God knew Ben would need a strong, loving, gentle, woman of God, and of all the mom's in the world he picked you. What an honor you have. God bless your family of six.

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  13. I'm a mom of 3, 2 girls 1 boy, maybe a 4th sometime soon, but I just have to say thank you for sharing your story, Ben and your family are on my mind constantly throughout the day. I'm not as religious as most, I pray and believe, and I have to tell you that not only do I pray daily for my children/family but I find myself waking up in the middle of the night and after checking in on the kids I find myself thinking of Ben and again I pray. I would (and so many others) love to hear of that miracle, a healing.. Congratulations on baby #4 ��
    Positive thoughts and prayers will be said continuously in our home for Ben and your family ��������

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  15. Oh how wonderful Mindy! Congratulations on your baby girl! Our continued prayers, many times a day, for Ben and the whole family (all 6, yay!) Sending love, hope and prayers from VA!

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  16. Mindy, my heart aches for your family. I look at the face of your Ben in photos and I see my boys. My twins (boys) will be 7 tomorrow and my youngest son is almost 5. My 4th child (a girl) is 18 months and was born in september of the year my twins started kindergarden. It seems like our families have some similarities, even our last names. I am inspired by your strength, courage and faith. Mark 23 "All things are possible to the one who believes." We have faith in God, we believe that your son will be healed, and we will continue to pray for your miracle from Indiana. The Bauers.

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  17. My heart aches for you and your family. May God bees your son with a miracle. Take care

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  18. God bless you. I wish I could convey to you how amazing you are. You truly make me want to be a better person, I pray that I can be half the mother you are. I have two beautiful children an 11 year old daughter, Rachel, and a four year old son, Ben. This has affected me so, and I truly care for you all and bring you all before our loving and glorious God in the Name of His Son Jesus Christ, and am believing you will see His great love and power! All children deserve such a wonderful mother like you, thank you for giving me motivation to be more like you, for my children's sake, and so I can please God the way I know you do. He is so proud of you I am certain.
    Love and prayers!

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  19. My name is Christian Harfouche, you were my 6th social studies teacher in 2007. My twin brother Justin and I both had the pleasure of having you as a teacher. Being a twin makes this unbearable to hear, and my prayers go out to Ben night after night. I am currently away at college and haven't been in Clarence to hear the news as quickly as others and its unfortunate when I have to come home to hear that a wonderful teacher of ours is going through this tragedy. Justin has shaved his head along with the other boys in my family in honor of Ben. I'm here to spread the word of prayer to all of those willing. God has great powers and is capable of unimaginable things. Don't for a second doubt the powers of God. I believe in miracles and my family is on board to help the fight. Much love Mrs. Sauer, as a student and as a friend.

    -The Harfouche Family

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  20. Mindy, my son Michael was born (1979) with a multitude of "anomolies". How I hated that word. He died in my arms at 51/2 mos old. He was only home for 3 weeks during that time. BecauseI didn't drive at the time, I would take 2 buses to Crouse Hospital here in Syracuse and 2 buses home. Everyday I would ask God to help me not throw up on my way up to Critical Peds. Fearing what I would hear or see made me sick to my stomach. Oh how I questioned God. There were times I couldn't even talk to God but that didn't last long because I needed His strength every second of everyday. Walking to the bus stop one day I heard God say "The sun will shine for you again". I held on for dear life to those words. Though God took Michael to heaven, though my worst fear came true I felt God's hand on me the entire time.A friend said to me one day "Patti, you're so brave." My reply was "No, I'm not brave at all. A truly brave person is someone that can go through this and not believe in God. Never once calling out for His help, for His strength.
    Many, many times a day I think about Ben and when he enters my thoughts I pray for your entire family. I ask God for a miracle and I ask for His will to be done.
    I love you, in Christ. Peace.

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    1. God bless you, Patti. You have been tested in a great fire, and your faith is more refined, and more pure. That God said to you "The sun will shine for you again." is a sign of great hope. He is walking with you. He always keeps His promises. Always. And when He calls you home, you will be reunited with your sweet precious son, Michael, and then you will feel a joy no one will ever be able to take from you again. God bless.

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  21. Praying now for the six of you instead of five.

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  22. Your journey continues to inspire all of us, as we all commit to prayer for your son and your family. Through all the nastiness cancer causes, Thank God for His promise in our lives to be there anytime we need Him, to help us get through the minutes, hours and day, providing assistance, 'angels' and love to help us to take that next step forward or to hug us when we collapse.

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  23. Mindy you are in Paul and My prayers, every day. We love you guys very much. If you need anything we are a few streets and a phone call away.

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  24. We have that wonderful verse on a plaque in our nursery... Such a beautiful promise from our Lord and Savior!

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  25. Mindy and Paul, you and your family of 6 are in my prayers here in Ohio. I don't know you, but I weep with you, for you. We have twins as our oldest as well, with 2 more following after them, and like your husband, my husband said we were being "efficient" getting the family going. :-) I'm SO glad that you have called your friends for help. Rest, with your babies, in the Lord. This is your season to do that with them. And it's ok that your "to-do" list isn't getting done - because your to-do list has one box on it right now, and I think you've figured that out: Be still, rest, be with your babies. All 4 of them. Hugs to you, Mindy. You are lifted up. Kelly Drake, Mansfield Ohio

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  26. Wow! What an unbelievable range of emotions you must be experiencing. What a bizarre thing to be anticipating gaining a life and anticipating losing one. I can not imagine how intense of a time this is, for you especially. What is God doing? Can I tell you that I have sincerely been praying for a miracle for Ben. It is not simply an emotional response to your story and your brave and open-hearted revealing of it but it is a conscious choice to claim what I truly believe God is capable of doing. Will He do it? I don't know. It is not for us to know. It is for us to Trust. "Come to me all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest, take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and humble in spirit and you will find rest for your souls." "Learn from Him"...if you only knew, what He knows! Praying daily for all and so happy I get to add baby girl to my prayers. What a marvelous gift!

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  27. praying for you dear ones...

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  28. Have you ever heard of Joyce O'Brien? I just went to a seminar of hers on how she and her husband healed themselves of late-stage cancers. I have been reading your blogs and was thinking of Ben the whole time. She has her own website and I believe she helps people through the process if you contact her. Just had to pass on the information. Many prayers for your family and especially Ben's healing.

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  29. My prayers will stay with all of you, I pray GOD answers all of Your prayers in all things. I try hard to understand gods purpose, I know I just have to keep praying every day.

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  30. Continuing to pray for you all each and every day. You have such a gift with words - you inspire, encourage and let God's grace be seen through your writing. Beautiful, my friend, beautiful!

    xoxo, Ashley

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  31. prayers from your home town <3
    and congratulations!

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  32. Hi, Mindy. I've been following along, crying and rejoicing with you. I lost my daughter to cancer 2 1/2 years ago. She was 10. I just had a baby girl in December - the most amazing and heartbreaking thing ever! Lauren looks just like her big sister Alyssa. I remember at the Ultrasound, I was so emotional. I wanted a girl so bad because I miss girly stuff (and I am NOT girly) and having a girl to dream of future weddings and babies with. But I wanted a boy so bad so that I wouldn't have to hurt every time I accidentally call the wrong name or catch a glimpse of Alyssa's mannerisms or unique smile, etc.

    I will be praying for you during this time. Such a wonderful, horrible situation. I don't understand your situating exactly, but close. (My son, who was left an only child for 2 1/2 years was very close to our daughter and they were often called twins because she was small - thanks cancer - and bald.)

    So much I could share, but don't want to burden you. Find me on FB if you'd like.

    Much love to your whole family.

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  33. Congratulations on your newest blessing! Prayers for Ben and your family from NJ.

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  34. We are overjoyed for the new little one, our two older girls are also ... Us Hoyt's are in continual prayer mode for you all. Love you guys

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  35. God's plans are BIGGER: bigger belly, big brothers, big sister, bigger family with BIGGER blessings

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  36. Our prayers are with all of you still. Bishop Fulton Sheen needs one more miracle for canonization. Let's all pray to him for Ben's miracle. All things are possible through God who strengthens us. http://www.newsmax.com/Newsfront/Catholic-archbishop-Fulton-Sheen-saint/2014/03/07/id/556672/

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  37. I have been so deeply touched by Bens journey and your families FAITH. You are an amazing mother & Andy is an awesome father. Your family is so incredible. God has HUGE plans for your family. You are 100% right, he does leave his fingerprints everywhere.

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  38. Mindy - I have never met you but I am a friend of Carol Chillemi and have been following your journey and have been praying for your family.You have been an inspiration to me. What a joy to find out you are having another boy! I pray that Ben does get to meet him and even play with him, God willing. Congratulations!

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  39. I pray that God will heal your precious boy. Your faith in His goodness despite so much pain and suffering and uncertainty is a testament. I don't know that I could ever find the kind of strength that you have found in the Lord. Hold fast and know that so many fellow believers are praying with you and for you.

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  40. Praying for you and your family every day. Blue4Ben!

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  41. Congratulations!! We are continuing to pray for your family... we will just add another little one to our prayers now. :)

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  42. I have always wanted to talk to you - I have two daughters in Heaven. I was pregnant with twins, but found out at 16 weeks that I had lost one of the twins. We never found out the sex, and the twin were fraternal, but we have 2 boys, so we just always said it was a girl. Then I delivered Jessica at 37 weeks - she almost didn't survive - the umbilical cord was wrapped around her body and she had lost oxygen at the end of the pregnancy - probably at least 3 times. She wasn't expected to live. She was our Miracle. She had severe Cerebral Palsy, was non-verbal, non-ambulatory and had many other diagnosis. But we prayed and prayed throughout her life thru everything she was through. She had 22 admissions to CHOB over her life and 10 surgeries. She passed away very suddenly last August, in her sleep. We consider it a blessing that she didn't pass while in the hospital, sick, connected to machines....the day and weeks before she passed were wonderful. I was so mad - why did she make it thru everything and then pass in her sleep. We will never know. Weeks after she passed we found out my son and his finance were expecting....not planned - LOL - She is due May 10th, almost exactly 9 months from when Jessica passed away. She is having a boy. Not a girl - not a replacement for Jessica. No child could replace Jessica. This child is a blessing, from God and we believe, Jessica. To bring us joy, joy in the face of terrible grief. I miss my girl....we were always together - I had to care for her like an infant for her 14 years and 10 months of her miraculous life. And now we are preparing this week for a wedding and a baby shower. A baby shower for my grandson, a blessing....I don't know what to say to you - I wish I knew how to comfort you....We thought we were going to lose Jessica many times throughout her life and we had so many, many miracles. So, I pray to Jessica (and her twin sister, we named Alyssa), I talk to her, to take care of your family. I ask for a miracle for your family...whatever that might be....and for comfort for Ben and your family and now for health for Ben, for you and your new baby girl...

    Karen Hopkins,
    Clarence, NY

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  43. God will find a way, where there seems to be no way.
    There were three kinds of persons who followed Jesus: Judas, Peter, and John. Judas, well, we know his story. He built on sand. Followed, but did not believe. When things came to a head, when the trials started, he wavered, broke, then despaired at his failure of faith. Peter was brave in words, but when the trial came, he too broke, but his faith stood the test. He repented and he was stronger than ever before, and was the leader of the new Church. And John. John walked to Calvary with his Lord, and stood at the foot of that cross, and watched his hopes die; watched the one he loved so die a cruel death. But he did not break. He did not waver. And that is because he stood by the side of The Mother. And Jesus gave her to us as Our Mother, when He gave her to John.
    In this your trial, Mindy and Andy, stand beside the Mother of Jesus. She knows your agony, the singular agony of what it is to be threatened with losing a son. You don't have to explain anything to her. She knows. Look to her as your advocate.
    God bless you. Let God, who knows all His plans, carry you through this most difficult time. Congratulations on the blessing of bringing forth new life. I pray Ben will be able to see her grow up too!

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  44. Still so many prayers being sent your way... adding a blessed new life to my list (meaning you've got an extra guardian angel supporting you, too!).

    All my love. Please, Lord, grant us this miracle of Mercy. <3

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  45. May God continue to sustain you through this tough time, Mindy. And please know that your sharing of the gift of your immense faith has touched many lives! As a dear priest, Fr. Dave Lee, once told me" I have questions for God, too".It's okay to question...

    Wishing you peace and strength for this day.

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  46. My favorite verse. My mainstay that kept me afloat during a horrible life a few years ago. And still keeps me afloat, because I need it more than I know.

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  47. You are so gracious with your words. I celebrate your strength and your faith. Ben is a lucky little boy. He was born to a family that can make this as easy as it possibly could be. You're an inspiration Mindy. Good bless you and your family. Congratulations on the new baby.

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  48. You have a beautiful heart, and your faith is a blessing. We serve an awesome God, and we know that He's holding you, as you can thankfully feel. We're all praying for you, for all of you. The gift of Ben is wondrous, as are your other two, one here, one growing inside you. We hold you in our hearts, and in our prayers, without end. If ever any of us can help, you know that you need only state so, and we all will move mountains to do what you need.

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  49. Mindy, I want to rejoice with you and the miracle of life you carry. I cannot know at this point what you are experiencing. I grieve for you daily as I too have a little boy and I can't imagine having to face what you are. Having said that, I also know what it is like to experience great loss. Between my son and my daughter I had three miscarriages that left me devastated. I wept for 2 years over these lives that I never got to know. I still wear jewelry bearing their womb names and I grieve over them still. I have learned though that there are many others who go through the same thing and they are requiring my shoulder to lean on. I know that God is using my tragedies for His good and I can tell that no matter what the outcome with sweet precious Ben, He will do the same in your life. Please don't be afraid to cry, scream or mourn during any of this. Being Christian does not mean you are not human. I know I had my share of emotions too. I am praying for you and for Ben so earnestly every day. "The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much." I am holding God to this verse as I pray fervently. With much love in Christ, Beth.

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  50. Yes, God can handle knowing how you really feel, and he already knows the depths of your heart. Christ Jesus, who died for us while we were still sinners, loves us totally and completely when we are angry, fearful, sad, and our faces are covered with tears and snot. (Perhaps you cry more gracefully than I, but God would love you every bit as much if you didn't.)

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  51. Dear Mindy,
    I just "happened" to see your story on a link shared on Facebook by Joyce Watts.
    I wept as I read your 3/30/14 post.
    Then I prayed God's Word from Isaiah 41:10 for Ben, you and your family, and trust that, just as God made this promise to His people, the children of Israel so many years ago, He will keep this same promise for you all:
    "fear not, for I am with you;
    be not dismayed, for I am your God;
    I will strengthen you, I will help you,
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

    Then I thought of this doctor and clinic that I heard about several years ago, but only recently investigated more closely his bio, his work, and clinic (in Houston, TX). I simply pass it along to you in case, like me, you've never heard of him. I like what I've read in the mission statement of this doctor's clinic, the Burzynski Clinic: "Our mission is to beat cancer."
    Perhaps the LORD had me "happen" upon your blog this morning simply for me to share this information. I find this doctor's work to be extremely hopeful in the battle against cancer!
    http://www(dot)burzynskiclinic(dot)com/
    There is a very eye-opening documentary video about Dr. Burzynski's career that is available at:
    https://www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=HwuWQi-5RJs

    May the Lord make your path straight and clear as you trust Him with all of your heart!
    His grace and peace be upon your family!

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  52. I hope today has been a blessed day, Mindy! Hugs sweet friend. We haven't met, but I feel like I know you and I pray for your sweet Ben many times a day!

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  53. God truly does prepare us. When I was told I was pregnant with my second child, 2 seconds later I looked at my husband and said maybe this isn't the time. I was 1/2 week short of being 6 months pregnant when our little girl was born. She lived for one hour. I was at peace because God had prepared me. She would have been 31 this year and there isn't a day that doesn't go by that I don't think about her. May God bless you and your family on this journey, and maybe, just maybe He may provided a miracle. I pray that He does. Our God is a great God!

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  54. Oh Mindy....what an emotional roller coaster you have all been on! Thank God for your little blessing on the way! Please try to take care of yourself! I know it must be very difficult to be happy about the new little bundle but allow yourself to be! I continue to pray for all of you and will add the new little one to the list! :-)

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  55. Sweet, humble, loving, God filled Mindy....what a beautiful blessing to be carrying a new life in you. Be strong, and when you are uncertain of things happening; turn to our loving, all knowing Lord. He will sustain you, Andy, and your family. We are all praying for a miracle of healing for Ben....and for continued blessings for this beautiful family God has created within you and Andy. In Christs love, the Wagner family <3

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  56. Mindy,
    I pray for Ben and your family. I cannot even imagine your heartache. God is watching over you and giving you the strength to care for your family as he does for us all. God Bless You !

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