Friday, March 28, 2014

I Am Not Strong Enough

I've started several posts in the past few days. But I'm just too emotional to finish writing them.

I've been very weepy lately. To remember how good things used to be.

The other day, I went through the pictures on my phone to try and delete some to make room for more. I started in July 2012 and went forward. I saw pictures and videos of Ben as a goofy little boy, dancing around, jumping off the couch, making silly faces, and doing magic tricks. It was so emotional I had to stop.

Today, my mom showed me a photo book she made of my family that included pictures from the past few years. I got through two pages and had to close it. Too much.

I hate seeing my little boy like this. He's not in pain. But he is not himself.

He's slow. Anxious. Sluggish. Tired. Doesn't have energy to do very much at all. His face is so full that he doesn't even look like he has an identical twin. His belly is so round, so big that you can see a big gap where his shirt goes over his belly. Half of his hair is missing and now the area around his incision is sticky because we've been putting on an ointment to keep it from itching. So it's awkward to touch. He can still climb the steps by himself, but he looks so pitiful climbing on all fours, literally pushing himself to bring another limb up that we always offer to carry him. And he always says yes. He's always preferred to do everything by himself. And before now, he was always able to.

He talks about going to kindergarten. Turning five next month. And how old he will be when Megan is ____ years old. "I am almost a man," he keeps telling me. "See how strong I am?" he asks, lifting his arm for me to squeeze his muscles. He went into preschool two days ago for his special day, but he only lasted about fifteen minutes before he got too tired and asked to go home. We were expecting it, though, and Andy brought him in long enough to share his new bubble gun for show-and-tell. I think the other kids enjoyed being able to see their friend again. Jack was thrilled to be able to show his brother off for a few minutes. Except now, it's as if Jack treats him like a baby rather than an equal. That alone makes me want to sob.

I suppose we're grieving the Old Ben. The way things used to be. And it makes me feel guilty because I still have my son on this side of heaven. It just doesn't feel close to how it used to be. My healthy son, who never had an allergy, food aversion or scrape that would have landed us in the hospital. Has brain cancer. How is that even possible?

I don't feel prepared to do with the possibilities that we may come across in the next few days. The next few weeks. I am just not strong enough.

I am not strong enough.

But... God is.

Tonight, as every night, I rest in His strength. Because only in my weakness am I made strong.

"But he said to me,
"My grace is sufficient for you,
for my power is made perfect in weakness."
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses,
so that Christ's power may rest on me."
2 Corinthians 12:9

So I guess it's alright for me to brag about how weak I am. How scared I am of the future. How little prepared I am to handle how things might progress. Because only then will God give me the strength I need - His strength - to keep on going.

It is by God's grace, I stand.

But God, if it is your will, please heal my son. What a testimony it would be to watch that amazing boy grow up and tell other people of how You saved him.

132 comments:

  1. The entire City Honors community continues to keep Ben and you're entire family in our thoughts and prayers.

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    1. I would love to see A Father Baker Miracle .....from a faith filled Buffalo community....God has a plan and your family will come through...cherish the days...your in our thoughts and prayers...

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  2. I am up nursing my daughter in the middle of the night every night and I pray for you then, even though you're likely sleeping. I pray for your rest to be restorative, for peace in your heart and strength for you to keep being Ben's mommy. I only know of you through our mutual (and precious) friends the DePeals, but I would still hug you and weep with you if given the chance.

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  3. Know that as we pray with you and for you, we also cry with you and for you.......

    You cannot do this alone, and though most of us are complete strangers, we do this with you.

    We pray. We cry. We love your son.

    God bless your beautiful family, and thank you for showing me how to love mine even more.

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  4. You are strong enough and He is stronger. We continue to pray for a miracle for Ben and strength and peace for his mommy and daddy. With love, Another Momma of Twin Boys

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  5. Ben, and all of you, are in my prayers. I pray for Ben's healing. I pray for continued strength for you and Andy. May God continue to hold all of you in the palm of His hand and I pray that through your faith and God's strength, people see that God is good even when we don't know the "why" of the painful things that happen in our lives. Amen

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    1. Amen to that! My heart aches for you as I know the agony you are going through as I have experienced it with my brother. God is Good and he will answer our prayers accordingly.

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  6. Your pain is not in vain. Your hope will not disappoint. Thank you for allowing us to grieve with you. You are not alone.

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    1. It is God's will to heal Ben.Healing is in the Atonement. Isaiah 53: 4-5 Surely He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows. With his stripes you were healed. I think you should get a second oppinion at CCS Oncology in Williamsville. (716)871-0181 Dr. Yi. I got a second oppinion there and he changed everything and I am cancer free. They have the true beam. Deal with brain tumors even.

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  7. Mindy my heart breaks for you. Please know so many are paying for Ben. And for you and Andy as well. I say the last paragraph of your post as last half a dozen times a day...we won't even count how many times in the middle of the night when I wake thinking of this. From our hearts to God's ears....

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  8. Please share more of what He's going through as you have the strength to do so. In Jesus name, I ask you Lord to lift Mindy up in this moment and give her the strength she needs to endure this time. Jesus, I ask in your blessed name, to provide a breakthrough in this circumstance, to resurrect the life in Ben that Python is squeezing from him. He is YOUR CHILD FATHER, and this woman isnt going to lose her son. Give her revelation to the prayers she may speak against the devil as I do the same. When theres two in agreement there is God. In Jesus Name, Amen.

    Mindy, live by faith and not by sight. You can do this. He who us in you is greater than He who is in the world. This is a battle for Ben's life on earth. Jesus gave you, Ben, and your family VICTORY on the cross when Jesus died and shed His blood. Let go of what used to be and embrace the new. The new life you HOPE FOR BEN IN THE MESSIAH. Speak as you believe. There is life or death in the tongue. Speak life into this circumstance. Dont give up. Im here with you through this. Muster up the strength in the Messiah, and be resolute your son will live and ask the Holy Spirit to teach you how to pray. Ill be praying here...He will have a story, you will have a story....and believing is half the battle....Let go of the past and EMBRACE GODS NEW.

    With sincere love,
    Saraph malachi

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    1. Help Ben in humility. Pride and emotions opening door to pride give the devil permission to have dominion over our life. Humility gives permission to God to work in our life. God doesnt cross our will. Is Ben giving up in his heart? Is he tired of going through this? Is he mad at God in his heart? If you speak the end thats what you will receive. I break all word curses spoken through anyone against this circumstance. I speak life..Ben Sauer will live to See tomorrow and the next day and the next day. The breath God has given him will sustain him. I speak strength into his arms and body. I speak belief into his heart. I speak hope into Ben Sauer's heart. Father, I ask you for forgive anyone in the Sauer family who has anger or bitterness in their heart. I command Ben's life to be resurrected in Jesus name. I command all plans and schemed against Ben Sauer to be consumed in the Blazing fire of the Holy Spirit. No weapon formed against the Sauer family will prosper. Ben Will live and overcome all the medical odds for Jesus' glory. I speak life into Mindy that her wounds be healed and that you strengthen her Jesus to let go of the old and receive the new. I declare a new life for Ben Sauer in Jesus Holy Blessed Name...Amen

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  9. I pray that god will heal Ben with one of his miracles, every day... sometimes multiple times a day. That is my wish for all of you. I so hope he answers this prayer.♥

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  10. We are praying for Ben and your family, for the Lord God to give you comfort and strength to get through this.

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  11. Praying every day with no words. God still hears. May
    the peace that passes understanding be in your heart.

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  12. As I sit here watching my children play I can't help but to weep for your son. I pray for your strength and for Ben to be given a miracle, for him to be without pain. Please know you ate in the thoughts of so many in this community and at any hour can call on us to be the shoulder you need to cry upon.

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  13. From one mother to another......may the loving arms of Jesus carry all of you during this time. Praying for Ben....for healing and for God to give you all the strength to get through this time <3

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  14. Mindy and Andy

    I haven't known your family very long but the time I've gotten to share with your husband and your family has been great! Andy took me in not as a worker but seems more as a little brother..as I look up to him as bigger brother not my boss...your family has helped me out when I needed it most .. Over the year I've had some tuff moments and Andy's always been there to help me out and even if he couldn't hes allways had something positive to say to pick me back up ... His family is all he ever talks about and cares about shows he's an amazing man and husband .. I've met the boys a couple times and your little princess :) you have an amazing And beautiful family I rember Ben running around the basement at uncle dans trying to beat his father with pipe insulation. Lol.. There's nothing I can say to thank you and Andy for all you's have done for me and my daughter I am deeply sorry for everything you're going through ..being a father idk exactly what I would do or if I would a made it this far ... Thank you for proving what strength truly is ... My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family

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  15. You might not be strong enough today, and that is ok. God is strong enough and all you need to get you through this most difficult time. I pray that His will be done and that in His mercies, He would grant a miracle for Ben. Much Love,

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  16. I cry with you and pray every night. God is with you and Ben <3

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  17. Dear Lord, I pray if it be your will to heal Ben and give him and his family the strength to endure and carry the crosses you send their way. Please know you and your family are in my constant prayers. God Bless you!

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  18. I'm thinking of you and praying for you. I hope that God heals Ben. It would be an awesome miracle. But-- your hope and your faith in the midst of this is also a miracle. God bless Ben and the rest of your family.

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  19. My two year old daughter and I pray for Ben and your entire family every night during our bedtime prayers. Please know that we will continue to pray for healing for Ben and for strength for you and your husband. <3

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  20. We pray. All of us who follow your posts pray. I have a lovely friend who lost her 18 year old son to lymphoma and she told me once that someone asked her, " How do you keep hanging in there?" And she answered,"I don't have a choice. I have to hang in there." And that is how it is with parents, with mothers. We don't have a choice. We hang in there. We are strong, even when we don't feel strong. Because you are getting strength from your friends, from your family, from all of those of us praying for you who you will never meet and never know, but we all are all there, holding you up and giving you strength. And yes, God is there, with all the strength you need. Goodness is there. You will feel you can't do this, but as a mother you don't have a choice - somehow you have to dig into your faith, your love, your strength - and you can do it. You can be there and smile at Ben and hug him and comfort him and tell him it will be wonderful ahead for him. You can do this, Mindy. We are all here helping you and your faith will pick you up after the times when you just have to let your legs go out from under you and sit and cry. God's grace is surrounding you and your family and lifting you all up. Deep breaths. Slow, deep breaths, and faith.

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  21. Mindy,andy,Ben,jack and little megan...
    May our Lord Jesus wrap you tightly in his loving arms tonight and forever.
    As I look at my 5 children I see the struggles Ive dealt with as a single momma for the last 19 years is NOTHING compared to what yous deal with daily. Not knowing what the plan for Ben is...Not seeing him the way he was just a few short months ago... But in prayer we all stand together and little Ben will one day show the world that Jesus provided him a miracle and he will have a testimony to share! My prayers are continually with you all ...stayy strong... all of us are here if u need anything! ♡♥♡♥♡♥

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  22. How can one grieve and hope at the same time? I have asked myself this question under other circumstances and now, especially, during the Sauer's weeks of challenging changes in their son. I don't WANT to grieve, I want to put my trust in God and know that there will be no reason for grief. Why doesn't this work for me? Is my faith weaker than I thought? Are you hearing me Lord? Have I prepared myself by forgiving others sins against me and so expecting that I have fulfilled your instructions for prayers...why Lord, then Why..do I still grieve?

    I want to know! I'm not important, but please give Mindy the answers she so needs to go forward with her sick child; knowing that his mortal life is in your control. Thank you for keeping him free of pain and that in itself is a miracle we know. Thanks God.

    But, now, we claim in Your Son's name, the promise of healing, of complete and miraculous healing for Ben. Lord, I won't stop coming to you on my knees, when Minday's knees are worn and tired, she will have 50,000 pairs of knees to bend toward Your loving face and beg for Ben to remain in this broken world.

    We just don't understand. Help to give Mindy & Andy supernatural strength to bear this burden with faith and love. Amen and Amen. <3

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    1. The struggle between hope and grief. That's exactly where I am, Connie. Thank you for putting words to it. And thank you for your selfless prayer. I really appreciate it <3

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    2. Mindy, I never expected any thank you from you, it is you that blesses us all in your humbleness and honesty at what you're facing. I don't know how you find the words to speak into these blogs, but God knows, and will give them to you when you ask; and when you have no words for this blog, we understand. Genuinely understand.
      your sister in Christ,
      Connie, from FL

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  23. Reading your story makes me sit in awe of your faith and strength. You inspire me. Our daughter is battling Leukemia/complications, but I don't think I have any where near the unwavering conviction of faith and strength you have. We pray for you and your family. Your children are beautiful.

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  24. Prayers are the only thing I can offer. No fancy words, no answers. God hears them all though and knows your need better than anyone and will answer that need. May His Presence give you hope and peace. God bless you all.

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  25. Praying for Ben and your family, we love you <3

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  26. My heart cries out to God for a healing in Jesus name! Mindy, I just want to hug you. I wish there was something we can do for you. I could never walk in your shoes...God gives the hardest tasks to his strongest soldiers...and I am so weak that I could not go through what you are going through. He knows best...we all hurt for this little innocent baby boy...my heart breaks reading this. No one can understand your pain like He can...I keep telling you, there are soooo many miracles...Ben IS a miracle and whatever Gods will, will be done. God bless you and your family. xoxo

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  27. Help Ben in humility. Pride gives permission for the devil to have dominion over a situation. The more humble he becomes the more permission he gives to God to work in him.

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  28. I am so sorry. I think of you and Ben all the time . Constantly you guys are on my mind and in my prayers . There will be times during the day that I feel the need to pray for you guys and I do! I pray for strength, comfort and most of all peace. Only peace that Christ can give through times like this. I can't wrap my mind around what you guys are going through. I just can't , and I just cry for everyone in your family. I cry out for Gods Will to be done, and how I hope it's for healing. I wish it was for healing on this earth.

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  29. Prayers are going up from east Tennessee! Praying for you all to receive that miracle!

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  30. Mindy, you are not alone. You do not know me, but because of your courage in sharing your story publicly I am getting to know you and your family. As a Mom my heart grieves with you. You have so many praying for you, helping to hold your arms up when you are too weary to. I will also continue to pray for you, Ben and your family. I pray God gives Ben a miracle. I pray for peace and strength for you, your husband and children. I pray in everything God will be glorified! God Bless and Keep You!

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  31. I don't know you or your family, but I've been following your FB page for awhile now. I have told others of your struggles and about how the city of Buffalo has rallied around the Blue for Ben. Your last paragraph is something that I am praying for as well. Oh, what a witness Ben's miraculous recovery would be to ALL who are following your blog and Facebook. God is so good...all the time! Hold strong!

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  32. Yes, if it is God's will. :) Because now that you've prayed that you can know that it'll be God's will and God's will is good. You gave him complete control of the situation. He's already done good with it. It's amazing all the places I see Blue 4 Ben. The whole community is united. That's awesome.

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  33. Mindy, you are strong because you can admit you are weak..scared, sad, facing the unknown. You would not be a heathy mother if you were not the person you wrote about in this blog. I pray God wraps His arms around you and your family tighter each day and holds you close to Him. I pray for you all...

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  34. I think your soul needs this song.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zulKcYItKIA

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  35. Reading your blog tonight I can't help but think how your strength is giving a lot of people strength right now. Your words are graceful and powerful. Your faith in our lord savior is beautiful. Ben will be forever beautiful- my continues thoughts, prayers and love are being sent from Chicago. I still believe!! All my <3

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  36. I pray for your family every morning. I pray for a miracle. And for peace. Perfect peace. Isaiah 26:3 God is able.

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  37. My ten year old son and I pray for Ben every night. He asks every night how Ben is doing. I admit honestly I do not know God like you do but I want to and I try to teach my son. What i have seen is all the prayers for Ben has given you and your family more time with him. And that alone has given me more faith and want to know Him more and how he blesses us. So thank you for showing me what God is capable of. You are an inspiration to us not so sure believers. We will continue to pray for Ben and all of you every night in hopes for a miracle.

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  38. People were put on Earth for different reasons.. some to invent things, cure things, be an awesome football player, to be the president, and others were put here to do the hardest,
    best job. .. we are moms. That is my greatest accomplishment and i am so honored to be the mom to my amazing children. You are the grandest of moms. And even if you dont feel strong anymore, it's ok. You ARE strong. .. you make every day of their lives special and safe and secure and happy. You are all your kids know... you are their whole world... think about it from their view... they hit the jackpot!!! Even on your weepy days, they have the best world!!!

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  39. Father God,
    Benjamin means son of the right hand. Your son, Jesus, stands at the right side of your throne making intercession for us, your children.
    You are holy and just, a loving and compassionate God. Your are merciful and full of grace.
    Fulfill your will in the life of our dear friend Ben and his family. Our desire is that he grow to have a living testimony of the power of you in his life. We understand that life is far better spent with you, however, on this side of eternity it is difficult to imagine life in the absence of one we dearly love and have come to adore.
    Different people in your Word asked that their lives be extended and you blessed them with that request.
    Whatever your will is we desire to accept it, though it may be hard.
    We ask you Father that the desire we have for Ben be given and that he be restored fully for your glory.
    We thank you for the love you demonstrated and gave us through your son, Jesus and according to His name and in his name, we ask you to heal Ben.
    Give strength to Ben's family and especially his mommy. Let your peace that passes all understanding flood their very being.
    In life there will be problems, Father...... Thank you that we are not alone and that you are with us.
    We rest in your care. Amen

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    1. Dear Lord I join Daniel's prayer... Thank you for choosing us as part of your family and carrying us when our strength is weak... Let your will be done while we rest in your care!

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  40. Praying here in NYC for your family.

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  41. Prayers for Ben & your family! May God wrap His loving arms around you all!

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  42. Thank you for sharing your heart with us. That isnt easy in and of itself. I also pray, even though i do not know you. Your family and faith has already touched so many lives, ones you might not ever know. I truly believe that God does not give us hardships, but uses them to teach us to rely on him when we have nothing else, and carries us through when we ourselves cannot walk. I prau in Jsus name your little boy will be healed and his ferver and joy for life returned but also for strength for your family because each road will have its own challenges. God Bless you for now and generations to come for your steadfast faith!

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  43. I just read an article about a book called, "A Touch of Heaven." It is about a little boy had a brain tumor and was healed. The article states, "The couple quickly realized that they were dealing with more than physical sickness. They were thrust into a battle where a spiritual enemy launched an all-out assault on their child. Though the boy 'died,' Heaven prevailed, life returned to his body, and he received a mandate to fulfill God's Will on earth."

    I hope you have had your family, your minister, your church pray over Ben, asking God to heal him, to cast out any destroying force trying to harm him.

    Here is the link to the article: http://www.spiritdaily.com/braintumorvictory.htm

    I will continue to pray, and add to my prayer that Our Lord Jesus cast out anything that is not of Him, for Him, through Him or with Him, that is within Ben. I pray all in Jesus' name.

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  44. "But he said to me,
    "My grace is sufficient for you,
    for my power is made perfect in weakness."
    Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses,
    so that Christ's power may rest on me."
    2 Corinthians 12:9
    With sincere love and prayers.
    He promises never to leave us or forsake us.

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  45. my friend and I are holding a benefit for Ben April 26th. if anyone wants more details please email me Jacobismommie@gmail.com

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  46. Please know that so many of don't even know you or Ben but are praying so hard for a miracle for him and strength and understanding from the good Lord for you. If we could all gather around you, Mindie, you would find out how strong you really are. You definitely are not going through this alone and with God at your side you are stronger than you might think. HE has a plan for you and for Ben and we all must be patient until we discover what that is. Praying and sending the absolute best we have to offer you at this time.

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  47. Dear Lord please let your will be Ben and his families will. Give them strength for the journey. In jesus name Amen

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  48. Dear Lord please let your will be Ben and his families will. Give them strength for the journey. In jesus name Amen

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  49. God bless you and your family. My prayers are with you during this most difficult time. Our Father is able and still in the miracle business. Rest in His arms. Love to all.

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  50. There is no way for me to know the depth of your sorrow - Sorrow because of Ben's struggle - Sorrow over the loss of Ben as he was so recently- vibrant, radiant, playful. - Sorrow anticipating what is to come - Sorrow over not being able to cure him of his illness.
    Words are not adequate. No one else can know your sorrow. I am sorrowful for this nightmare you find yourself in. You are not alone. Please know that you do not have to do this alone.

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  51. I'm going to pray that you can feel God as he lifts you up and carries you through this. I'm going to pray that this refiner's fire leaves you each a stronger and more faithful disciple. My son too is a cancer fighter. I just pray that these boys grow up to be witnesses of God's mercy and proof of His healing hand. Please take time for yourselves too as this is a marathon, not a race. May God put His hand on all of you and your family and friends. God Bless.

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  52. Still praying for a miracle for you here in N.California...

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  53. Mindy I pray for you & your family. I cannot imagine what you are going thru. I am not a mommy & never will be. I am an aunt by blood & by friendship though & when I look at my nieces & nephews I know I would never handle what you are living with the grace, strength, & couth that you are. I am in awe of you. Your blog tonight made me think of the Footprints poem. "During your times of trial & suffering when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you." Know that He carries you now & may He give you the strength to face another day. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. We are all with you.

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  54. I am praying for you and for Ben..praying that God gives you the guidance and strength to fight this cancer and win..you ARE strong enough to do that for Ben..i hope you feel the love and support of all of us that are praying for you all..please consider wheatgrass shots and frankencense essential oil for him..there are sooo many options out there that could possibly improve the outcome like Gerson..they have had great results with kids and with brain cancer...will continue to pray every day for you and Ben and your precious family.

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  55. I was one of Thomas's best friend's and still am to Matthew, I can't express my heart ache. My heart is so sad. From the entire Wood family, we wish only the best. for Ben! !! Were praying-my Facebook cover is fot him. Xo

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  56. There are moments in our lives that we don't understand, that don't make sense. I can feel your pain. It's amazing that the verse you write at the end of your post today is the one God gave to me for this day. But please...know you are not alone. Ben is being a testimony already of strength. I continue to believe in Jesus words...ONLY BELIEVE!

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    1. And please know that not by any bit of chance there's a cold response in my words. (Only the one that's experience the situation is the one feeling it, but I'm very certain that all people in this blog want to express that we stand by you). I pray that fear won't have power over you and that ALL your family can feel God's love in this season of your lives.

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  57. We wear our bracelets for Ben everyday and by this each time we look at it we send prayers for healing strength, comfort and grace in this storm. You are a beautiful family and your light is shining in this journey. God bless you each day, every minute may you feel God's arms around you.

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  58. Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. I pray for little Ben. Lord, may You touch him now where he is. May he feel Your love surrounding him, strengthening him, and may You reach out to his whole family. May they have times of refreshing in Your presence. In the name of Jesus I pray. Amen.

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  59. Mindy, I can't imagine what you are going through. My wife and I are praying everyday for Ben and your family. Whenever you just want to know ask God why this is all happening to Ben, read Job 38. We are praying fervently for Ben.

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  60. Heavenly Father, I can see this meeting of all the souls praying for Ben, we are joined together as your family and with all our might we are lifting up the life and body of Ben to you Lord. We come to your throne in all its majesty knowing like the Centurion that you only need say the words, please oh Lord here our prayer for this miracle and spare Ben's life on earth to do even more of your might works through him. Speak the word oh Lord, and let him be healed. In Jesus name we pray, Amen

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  61. The scariest words to pray and yet the safest place to be, "Let your will be done." Mindy, my heart aches for what you are going through, for how you are grieving the Ben you used to have. We are all grieving with you. Please don't give up on the miracle. God is able, at any moment, able to fully heal Ben and allow him to live and give God the glory. I'm full out begging Him now! If God's will is to bring Ben home, oh how I pray that He gives you all (and us all) the strength and faith to get through it. Still praying! Our God is greater, our God is stronger, our God is Healer! I hope you can feel the love and prayers of all of us that you are sharing this journey with.

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  62. Sweet lady. Please know that my prayers are with Ben and your beautiful family. I have already tried posting but for some reason, my post is not showing up so here goes again. I woke up this morning as I felt prompted to message you. I feel your heart every time I read your blog. I know of sooo very many christians, personally, who are suffering right now. I don't understand any of it but I DO know that his timing is ALWAYS right. He will do what is best. I'm pretty sure there are times when you cry out to God, and you feel you hear nothing but ...He is speaking. Though you see nothing, HE is acting. With God there are no accidents. I was just sharing this truth with a friend going through her own "fire" right now. I know you already know this but EVERY incident, every fire, is intended to bring us closer to Him!! You need to look at every negative as a blessing as it is bringing you into a deeper relationship with Him. Don't let darkness into your days beautiful lady....ONLY light!! Be thankful and praise him through this entire storm. He IS with you...He IS with you all. "This" life is so temporal. It is NOT our home. It is our "training" ground. Be blessed and thankful EVERY day and as God draws your family nearer to HIM! I love God, first and foremost....then my family and sweet brothers and sisters in Christ. I have a God-given passion for natural medicine and would like to share something with you. I would love to gift you with a young living oil.....Frankincense. It has been said, in the days Jesus walked the earth, that it was more precious than gold. I have seen testimonies of its healing power and it is said to be able to break through the blood/brain barrier. I am not telling you it would heal Ben but what a blessing to be able to anoint this sweet boys head with a biblical oil. If you would allow me to gift it to you, I could bring it to you. I live fairly close to clarence. Please phone me....652-6724. Bless you and yours!!!

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  63. God be with you and your family at this time. Dear Jesus you are making all thing new in heaven and on earth, so come close to this family in power and let your spirit rest on them.

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  64. I never believed in love spells or magic until I met this spell caster once when i went to see my friend in Indian this year on a business summit. I meant a man who’s name is Esango Priest he is really powerful and could help cast spells to bring back one’s gone, lost, misbehaving lover and magic money spell or spell for a good job or luck spell .I’m now happy & a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to marry left me 5 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down cos our relationship has been on for 3years. I really loved him, but his mother was against us and he had no good paying job. So when i met this spell caster, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him. At first i was undecided,skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. And in 7 days when i returned to Canada, my boyfriend (now husband) called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married. I didn’t believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do. Well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid, and my husband also got the new job and our lives became much better. His email is esangopriest@gmail.com

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  65. Praying for you and your family. May your Heavenly Father fill you all with peace that surpasses all understanding, joy that is abundant, and may the days ahead be sweet and full of life.

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  66. We are still praying for a miracle for sweet little Ben. Keep fighting Ben you are so strong...

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  67. Mindy ....it is by God's grace you stand, but you are not alone. When I lost my girls I thought often about Out hevenly Mother...the Blessed Mother and what it most have been like for her to see Jesus preaching in the Temples, and put upon the Cross for our Sins. It is in her I found great strength.. I find it ironic that Ben's color is Blue for it the color worn by Mary Our Mother in heaven. It is by Grace and prayer Ben is not feeling the pain of the cancer....Love , and Prayers to you and your family Mindy.

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  68. Precious memories of your little boy. I know the weight of his suffering is breaking your heart. Ask our Father to bear it for you; to take it away. And when He comes for it, give it to Him. Rest in the knowledge that we serve an on-time God. I'm praying for Ben's miracle. I'm praying that God will let this cup pass from Ben. I'm praying that God will bless you all with peace in your hearts, peace in your home, and peace in all of your affairs.

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    1. Thank you for the reminder....God is never late. He will act in just the right moment! I believe that!

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  69. You ARE strong! The way you have handled this the far is AMAZING!!! My heart breaks for you and your family!! I don't know how you have done all that you have :) I keep trying to help out in the ways I can, but I know it's not enough. I just want to be there for you & your family so badly and we have never met!! My prayers & thoughts go out to you!! You are an amazing woman!!!

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  70. I pray for Ben, you and your family every day. I pray for God to bring you the miracle you deserve and need. I pray for God to heal Ben. I pray for God to bring you solace. I listen to your words and know that I could never be as strong as you are. God bless you.

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  71. You are stronger than you know. Your blogs are a testimony in and of themselves I drove down RT 5 the other day, through Clarence, and I wondered. I Wondered where this little boy calls home. I prayed for all of you at that moment.~ as I felt closer to you in your hometown as opposed to mine. I am sure God heard my prayer....just like always.....know matter where. I am sorry for your pain. I am praying today, like so many others. What a miracle that is, that your little Ben has brought neighbors, friends, and strangers all praying together to the same FATHER. God Bless all of You! Peace,

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  72. I have been praying for your sweet, precious Ben for the last month. My heart is breaking for you. I have weeped to God, begging him to heal your son. I have a 4 year old boy named Julien and because of your story every time I hug him, I hug a little longer and a little stronger. I smell his hair before I let go because we never know if it will be the last hug. I couldn't even imagine what you are going through Mindy. I couldn't do it, I couldn't bear it. Your family is on my mind everyday! We wear blue for Ben a couple times a week. God Bless you. Julie Steinkirchner

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  73. We were in the same place nearly five years ago. I have no words other than the affirmation of Christ's love for you and your precious boy. Praying for you and your family.

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  74. Why, my soul, are you downcast?
    Why so disturbed within me?
    Put your hope in God,
    for I will yet praise him,
    my Savior and my God. Ps. 42:5
    God is our refuge and strength,
    an ever-present help in trouble.
    2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
    and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
    3 though its waters roar and foam
    and the mountains quake with their surging.[c]
    He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
    I will be exalted among the nations,
    I will be exalted in the earth.” Ps 46:1-3,10
    Lord, as we struggle with our emotions, please help us remember who You are and that You love all of us, and especially Your child Ben. You put in us the love we have for this little boy and his family. We praise You for all You have done, and we trust all into your mighty and loving Hands. We boldly ask you for complete healing for Ben in Jesus' name. Shine your glory on Ben...You are the God of miracles and wonders! Please say the word and Ben will be healed. Lord, we believe...help our unbelief. Love to you, Sauer family.

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  75. I would never have known you, even through the computer, if not for Ben's illness. Now that you've touched my life, I cry for you, I hurt for you, I pray for you.
    May our God, through the horrible stripes his son Jesus bore, heal your son. Soon.

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  76. Your strength will come from the thousands that are praying for your family, those prayers will hold you up. In the middle of the grief and hope is where God will meet you and carry you through. He will lift you up from that pit and bring you through to the other side. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and trust in the God that is capable of all things. He conquered death and can do so again.

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  77. I pray that God's will is to give your Ben a miracle. And if He has other plans, I pray His love will give you comfort. God Bless your family. I can't even imagine.

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  78. Your faith and testimony are so strong. When you talk about your weakness and turning to your caregiver God I see such HUGE strength!! You are real. You are strong. You are true. You are turning to the source of all good, all love & strength...you will reap good fruits and offer more than you ever dreamed possible. The more you hold on to this and run to your caregiver, God for strength the more you will see that what feels like weakness is really strength of God. Fight against anything that pulls you from this. Fight to hold on to this. As you turn to your caregiver God, your children will turn to you for care and you will be able to offer the care they need always. Thank you for giving soo much. Your understanding of Scripture and sight will lead you to offer good to your family and everyone. I see you see your children's spirit. What a gift! Thank you for inspiring me and everyone who reads your post.

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  79. This is such a powerful prayer. This is for Ben. God Bless him.
    Dear Jesus, Divine Physician, Healer of the Sick.

    We call upon you and ask your help for our loved ones who are suffering from cancer.
    We entrust them to your loving care.
    They are your children and they are in pain.
    Give them the ability to know in their hearts
    that you are with them in this difficult time.
    Give them strength and healing.
    Comfort them in their fears, soothe their anxiety,
    and let them rest securely in your arms.
    Help those who care for them.
    Give insight to researchers that they may discover cures.
    Give patience and energy to doctors and nurses so that they will care for them with grace and love.
    For us, their families, their friends and their community, we need your courage and strength,
    to be with them and help them bear their burdens.
    Give us joy, peace and confidence in you
    so that like Mary, your mother, we may stand with them in faith and trust, witnessing to your healing love.
    For you are blessed, for ever and ever. Amen.

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  80. Please forgive me for I do not know you and I do not know the pain that is on you. Thank you for allowing me to speak to your heart based on what I read in your blog. I grew up in Cheektowaga and now live in VT and I found your blog via my college friend who grew up in Clarence. Thank you for posting your blog and for Rosie lab post about boasting weakness and that is strength. Thank you. I am honored to have read your posts!

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  81. I pray for a miracle as well for Ben. As a mother as well, this is our worst nightmare. I don't cry at much but I cry every time I read your posts. May God see you all through such a difficult time. God Bless

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  82. My heart goes out to you and your family. May God give you strength so that you can help him in his plan for your son. I pray that if it's God's will, he will heal Ben and give him back his strength and joy! God Bless you all.

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  83. When I go to the Throne room to petition God on behalf of your family, I am asking our "Father who art in Heaven" to glorfiy Himself in Ben's body with a total and complete healing. I am also asking Him to allow Ben to see the movie that is coming out at Easter called "Heaven is For Real". It's about another little 4 year old boy who went to heaven, but he came back to tell his wonderful story. Give them Divine connections so that this can happen Lord. We promise to give you all the Glory and the Honor Lord. In Jesus Mighty Name we pray....

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  84. I don't know you, but I am a fellow Christian who would be honored to pray for my sister in Christ. I can't imagine the pain, the tears, the hurt. I can't fathom it. But I can pray for your comfort and peace. Thank you for reminding me how precious life is. Thank you for reminding me through your son that my life is not my own. Your faith in God through this trial is speaking to thousand's of other Christians. Keep it up!

    Dear Lord, I pray for Ben. Lord, how devastating for a little boy who loves to be active, who is independent, who was so healthy. God I pray that you would comfort his parents during this time. Help them to cope with the changes, knowing they have you to lean on. God I pray for healing. Heal Ben. God, give him back his strength. Lord, take away the brain tumor. Lord, what an opportunity for your glory to be shown through Ben. But God... if it is your will to take little Ben home, I pray that you would give his family a special strength. This would be a very difficult thing. Please comfort them God.

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  85. Mindy Sauer, I pray for you and your family daily. For a while I wasn't sure what to pray... but now I do. There are storms in our lives... and when it rains, it pours. Usually we have to weather the storm. But this. This is stronger than a category 5 hurricane! You can't just throw on a raincoat, grab an umbrella and wait for it to pass. There is nowhere to run. You can't determine it's path. It is too big and strong to escape. There is no where to hide. But even in the biggest most destructive storms... God has created one tiny place of safety. The eye of the storm. It is a miracle. It is beautiful. Very few on earth ever experience it. My prayer is that God guides you and keeps you in the eye of the storm... where the waters are calm and the sun in shining. Bringing you to a peaceful place, despite being surrounded by something so violent and out of control.

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  86. We are praying for the entire Sauer family. God bless your sweet family. Here's my favorite song and I pray it can bring you some peace and comfort. I pray it says all the words you need to hear! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TXbEbIEv8jo

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  87. Oh Mindy... My heart breaks for you and your family. This is SUCH a HARD season! Prayers and love in abundant xxx

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  88. Lots of prayers!! My heart breaks for you and your family.

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  89. Praying for you all, Mindy! I just got a Blue 4 Ben bracelet and every time I see it, I remember to pray for all of you. *hugs*

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  90. In reading your post I just got to wondering...although we pray for Ben's healing...I just wonder if Ben isn't somehow healing us. We can be so cold and ungrateful. It's been said that suffering releases love. And we can find no greater proof of that than in Christ's sacrifice for us on Good Friday. I'll continue to pray for you all and our world. May God bless you.

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  91. Praying for Ben and your family, we love you.

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  92. From my heart to yours... Nothing but love and hugs and hope.

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  93. Mindy, you & your family are in our prayers day & night. We love that little boy Ben even though we've never met. You are an amazing person. It's ok to be scared. We are all praying for a miracle & peace of mind for you & your family. (( hugs))

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  94. Mindy & Andy, I hope you can feel the warm embrace from all of us...thousands of stranger friends who are wearing Blue for Ben and trying so hard to give you comfort through prayer and posts. In one of your earlier messages, Mindy you mentioned taking things one day at a time. I thought that was so insightful. You are doing the best you can at any given moment and that's all anyone can ask of you....xoxo

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  95. I think we are all crying with you guys, Mindy. I've been reading Jill Kelly's blog. http://www.jillk.org/journal/2009/06/15/more-than-i-can-handle/ She went through a lot of what you're going through right now and also had the benefit of knowing God was right there with her. This particular post of hers titled "More Than I Can Handle" reminds me of your post. Sometimes it helps to know that others have been there, not that it takes away any of the pain. My heart aches for you. <3

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  96. I continue to be woken each night, and so I pray. I wear my blue bracelet and think of Ben throughout the day, and pray. As so many have said....our love is being released to you......as we all beseech the LORD to be gracious and bring healing to Ben. I will not stop praying.

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  97. Posted by a friend who is also praying for her son and friend. I pray it brings you encouragement......

    On my own I am helpless.....
    My hope is built on nothing less
    Than Jesus' blood and righteousness
    I dare not trust the sweetest frame
    But wholly lean on Jesus' name

    When darkness veils His lovely face
    I rest on His unchanging grace
    In every high and every stormy gale
    My anchor holds within the veil

    On Christ the solid rock I stand
    All other ground is sinking sand
    On Christ the solid rock I stand
    All other ground is sinking sand
    All other ground is sinking sand

    His oath, His covenant, His blood
    Support me in the whelming flood
    When all around my soul gives way
    He then is all my hope and stay

    When He shall come with trumpet sound
    Oh, may I then in Him be found
    Dressed in His righteousness alone
    Faultless to stand before the throne

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  98. I am praying with you with a mother's heart. My seven year old son is a survivor of a rare and aggressive muscle cancer. I weep over the friends we have lost and do not even try to understand God's plan because I just can't see it at times and I am a pastor's wife. Sometimes I just had to collapse at the feet of Jesus and beg Him to show me why some are healed on earth and some are not. I cry for you. I pray for you. I am begging God for a red sea miracle with you. Some day all this disease will be no more and we will laugh and sing and dance with Jesus and our children.

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  99. Heavenly Father I ask that you intervene immediately and heal Ben of this cancer his family wants him to be around! Ben does not want this cancer nor does he deserve it they are waiting for your miracle in Jesus name we pray.

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  100. As I hold my sweet little girl each night we pray for Ben and a miracle and for you all. Thank you for sharing your tears and joys, your generosity to share your beautiful son is inspiring. We will continue lifting your family up in prayer, being here with you and for you Mindy. May our Mother, the Blessed Virgin Mary wrap you in her warm mantle of grace and bring our petitions to the cross of Jesus.

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  101. tried to send this to Darlene (college friend of mine), just not sure she ever saw it: first the story behind the link i am sharing: sheridan was my best friend from middle/high school's grandfather. they gave this away free for years, but now gave recipe to this company for sales/ distributionall funds raised will go to clinical trial efforts. it may be crazy, but my friend told me her grandpa had an epiphany one day for this formula.so i figure if you guys are looking for miracles, maybe this is it. http://alternativecancer.us/cantron.htm

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  102. As a mother of four children, three on earth and one in heaven, my heart is heavy for your family. I am deeply touched by your blog posts and pictures. I am praying everyday, throughout the day, for your family and for Ben.

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  103. May our prayers bring you strength when you are weak and bring you peace. The journey is a rough one but precious woman of God you do not walk it alone. Many of us are not physically with you but our spirits surround you daily and I pray that you feel our presence! May God's healing balm pour over your child! God bless you all!

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  104. I pray for you, your son, and your whole family from Alaska.

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  105. Oh my goodness. I have a brain tumor too and you described everything so perfectly. Im the same way climbing the stairs but I refuse help. You are so strong. I will pray hard for you and Ben.

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  106. Lord, we know You can heal (Jehovah-Rapha), and it's Your will, and during times of trials we are to praise You, We will all, do this for our little brother Ben, and we will all Thank You now for answering our PRAYERS.

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  107. I can't imagine what your life is like. Honestly, I have a hard time just reading your posts. My kids are grown, 30 & 18 yet I fear everyday something bad might happen. I pay for your family. When I think of people who wonder how you can have such faith, my question is how could you not? Our God is an amazing God. We don't know why things happen as they do but He has the answers and some day we will have the answers. I pray for a miraculous recovery for Ben, but if that is not God's will, I pray for comfort for you. Your family has showed thousands of people what strong faith is. My heartfelt thoughts are with you daily

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  108. In mid February, our pastor began a series entitled, "When it Hurts too Much to Cry", which is a book written by his late father, Jerry Falwell. Every week has been amazing, encouraging, and ends with a 5 min video made about a particular couple in our church who has gone through a huge challenge. I have thought and prayed for you and your family often, even waking up in tears one night so burdened to pray. I'm attaching the link to the archives where you can watch those sermons... if you wish. https://trbc.org/sermon-archive/

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  109. Praying for all the angels of heaven to lift your family up and the grace of God poured over you to face God's plan.

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  110. This is probably redundant, because I know you are looking for any and all possible treatments for your son. We have done a lot of research ourselves on Gerson Therapy, and we are big believers in both its preventative and healing powers. Have you heard of it? We watched (and own) both The Beautiful Truth and Gerson Therapy (documentaries on the therapy). Another good documentary that shows a similar therapy is Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead. The Gerson Therapy is not supported by The American Cancer Association, and many doctors do not believe in this non-pharmaceutical method. However, there have been so many success stories, it is hard not to believe. Gerson.org is their website if you want more information. In short, it is diet-based where you consume only organic vegetables, usually freshly juiced. A long-term diet of such high amounts of the micro-nutrients found in fruits and vegetables has also been shown to improve the overall immune system and take people completely off of various medications. I know I sound like a commercial. I was just thinking, I'd hate to have not shared something that could be invaluable to you and your family.

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  111. You are a BEAUTIFUL inspiration to all who read about your precious little boy. Even if you can't see it, your strength overpowers your weakness and the power of God it's revealed in all the words you write. Words are powerful so I stand with you in prayer that God may use this story as a testimony that our He is still in the miracle making business. I will be praying for your strength and for the strength of your precious baby boy.
    God Bless

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  112. We are praying for your family and Ben every night as a family. Our two twin little boys are 10 months old right now, and I am trying to remember to appreciate every moment. We're trying to pray strength and comfort your way.

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  113. My mother's heart is so heavy for you and your family. I can't imagine what uncertainty every day brings, while being thankful for every day. Keep doing what you are doing, which is being the best Mommy this little boy could have ever asked for. Our family went through a tragedy 13 years ago, and looking back the only thing I can say to you is no matter what, whatever the circumstances, God puts the right people that you need at just the right time in your path, he anticipates your needs before you even know what you need, and will provide for you, whether it's a hug, phone call, text, etc, it will be there. Cont. prayers from FL, Angie (and my 5 year old son Sam who prays for Ben and still wants to fly up to say hi and hope he feels better)

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  114. You do not know me, I got your blog off of a friend of mine (Morgan Spivey). I am heartbroken by your story and also encouraged by your response. I too have boy/girl twins that will be 5 in May, one of which struggled to live the first 6 months of her life.... and I can't imagine all that you are currently going through. I will be bringing you , your family, and precious Ben before our Lord in the months ahead. May his comfort, endurance, and strength surround you...
    (St. Louis, Mo)

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  115. Still praying for Ben and your family- God is your Rock- much love and life to you...

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  116. I have posted before, but feel it is laid on my heart to repeat the healing testimonies I have witnessed. It is totally against my nature to be so bold, so that is how I know this is the Lord's leading. I noticed on a post by Harmony on this page, she mentioned that in India, they use Turmeric to prevent & to kill cancer cells. This is well-documented, even in the Western medical field. I witnessed a healing myself, when an elderly woman was told she had lung cancer. She began taking turmeric capsules daily & 12 years later is still strong & healthy. A lifelong God-centered life & Faith were also a mainstay. I referred a friend's daughter to this treatment, as she was recovering from chemo & radiation treatment for breast cancer. After taking turmeric for 6 months, the doctors were amazed at the disappearance of the tumors. But the one testimony that is what I would call an 11th hour healing is the one God's put on my heart to get across to you. It concerns Barbara St. Onge, who has posted several times on this page. I met her at the Chapel & we have become good Christian friends, encouraging each other with scripture & prayer. When she started going to radiation & chemo for a neck cancer last year, the lump was almost the size of a tennis ball. Even after months of daily radiation, it remained. Then she went to CCS Oncology & had 3 weeks of targeted radiation (no chemo) with the True Beam, which can deliver more pinpoint, intense radiation to only the tumor. To my amazement, when I saw her after this, the lump was completely gone! So just maybe there is something to their advertisement slogan 'New Hope, New Technology for all types & stages'...Barb also took turmeric prior to these treatments, & a strong faith in God's Word & Promises were I'm sure a major aspect of the successful treatment. I think we need to do all we can in the natural world & God will add His Super to our natural. Like the parents of April, who posted above, we should refuse to take the visible signs as absolute, & stand on God's Promises & we will see the 'Evidence of things Unseen' (Heb. 11:1) All this to say: Not discounting Faith & Prayer as miracle-working Power, PLEASE, PLEASE get an opinion from CCS. There could be a difference.

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