Wednesday, December 24, 2014

I Choose JOY

I can't promise that I won't cry this Christmas.
 
That I won't secretly wish there'd be two little boys running into our room in the morning, excited to see if Santa had been here. That my heart won't sink to see our kids open their gifts and knowing that their brother isn't physically next to them. To know that I won't have a picture of all four in front of the Christmas tree. I can't promise that my eyes won't well up with tears when I look at the beauty of the lights, the handmade ornaments, and pictures of sweet Ben from this time last year. I can't promise that I won't get sick, imagining how special things would be if we were all together on this side of heaven. I cannot make any promises.
 
But I can promise you one thing: I'm going to enjoy it as much as I can.

All of my kids have had Angel Kisses, those red spots below their nose. But at three months old, Kate's seem to be holding on the longest. So very special.

We still have so much to celebrate.
 
I want to soak in the squeals from Jack and Megan as they open each thoughtfully-purchased gift. To enjoy Kate's smiles and coos as we praise God for His goodness in blessing us with her little life. To match their dimples to the ones on Ben's face, and reflect how much he loved his siblings. To feel God's loving arms wrapped around us in the moments where we have to look away in order to shield our tears. I want to live our lives as a celebration of Ben's life. His legacy. I want to celebrate God's continued grace and mercy on our family. Even in the midst of tragedy, God has been there.
 
Though we have great pain, we also have great joy. And joy is not a feeling, it is a decision.
 
So today, I choose JOY.
 
Christmastime must be especially magical in heaven.
 
Merry Christmas, from our family to yours!
Love, the Sauers
all six of us

37 comments:

  1. So thankful that because of Jesus we can have such joy in such hard, hard, hard, circumstances! Merry Christmas

    www.in-due-time.com

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  2. God knows your aching heart over Ben's earthly absence. I'm grateful that Jesus' birth gives us all so much hope, and that you know there will be a grand reunion in heaven!

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  3. Merry Christmas always thinking of you and your family.

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  4. Prayers for your family this holiday season

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  5. Merry Christmas to your entire family. Your beautiful son is celebrating his first in Heaven....but I know you miss him. I am a Mama, and I have 4 babies in Heaven....and I miss them. Praying the Lord gives you peace and a special extra blessing of joy, on this difficult, yet beautiful Christmas.

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  6. Merry Christmas to you Mindy and bless you all this season. Hugs to you!

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  7. thinking of you all and sending love and strength your way. Merry Christmas, all 6 of you

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  8. God bless you all and Merry Christmas to all 6 of you xxx

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  9. I have been thinking of you and praying for you all, Mindy. Thank you for choosing joy. It reminds us that we can all do the same, by the gift and grace of Jesus. Merry Christmas to the Sauer family, all six of you.

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  10. This song was made for you!
    http://www.folkalley.com/openmic/song.php?id=133
    Marla from Clarence Center

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  11. Merry Christmas Mindy! May you feel the Joy of Christmas surround your family. I continue to pray for your family.

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  12. Merry Christmas to you and your family. It may have been in one of your writings that I read happiness and joy are not the same thing. You will feel the joy of the season, although some of the happiness may be missing this year. Blessing to you all.

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  13. Dear Sauer Family,
    We continue to cry with you, but also haven chosen joy. I think about heaven celebrating Ben's first Christmas there, along with a number of dear ones there for this amazing time. How wonderful to contemplate this thought. Much love to you all.
    Cliff for the Millers

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  14. Our hearts may be broken, but our spirits are filled with the kind of joy that comes only from knowing Jesus Christ.

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  15. Merry Christmas to all of you- and yes, joy is a decision. With love

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  16. Merry Christmas Sauer family! All six of you! Blessings!!!

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  17. As always Mindy your faith continues to be so beautiful! Thank you for sharing so many bittersweet moments with all of us! Merry Christmas Sauer Family!!

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  18. Thank you for your courage in sharing your story. It has helped me in my most difficult days. Love rules. Merry Christmas to all of you! ❤️

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  19. Merry Christmas to all "six" of you.

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  20. Merry Christmas to you all. Christmas Day, thinking about the purpose of that day, I am sure God in Hos subtle way is letting you know your angel is there with you all.
    MERRY CHRISTMAS!! (Blue4Ben)

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  21. Sending you prayers for the Peace of Christ and continued joy through your faith in His love.

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  22. Joy is a choice. A decision. So very well said.

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  23. Merry Christmas! Your words are a continued inspiration to me. Thank you so much for taking the time and keeping us updated on your family through these difficult times. Continued prayers are coming your way!

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  24. Merry Xmas to all six of you..Thinking of your precious family always xx

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  25. Merry Christmas to you and your entire family. You are in our hearts. God bless you and your beautiful family.

    XO

    Kristen Kunst

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  27. Merry Christmas and may Peace be with you.

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  28. I totally agree! When I look at what our parents, ancestors did to get us here... the struggles, the hard times, the losses... I realize God made us so much stronger than we might feel at times. Thank you for inspiring so many. Your whole family... all six of you!!!... bless so many. You are beloved.

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  29. I came across your blog the other day and although I don't know you personally, I was thinking of your and your family yesterday at the start of a new year. Your faith is not mine, but I am so glad yours enabled you to experience comfort and hope. May Ben's memory be only for a blessing.

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  30. My beloved Dad passed away in June, shortly after I had discovered your blog. I have faithfully followed your posts, always looking forward to your honesty, grace and hope. I started to see a therapist this summer to help me move through my grief. At the end of each session she has me draw an "angel" card from a small canister. In early December I drew the same card after two consecutive appointments. I struggled to find the reason for this simple word during the impending holiday season. Until I read your post on Christmas morning and you led me to the meaning of my simple little "angel" word....JOY. Our wonderful creator works in magnificent ways each and every day. I don't know you but I feel so much love for your spirit and light. Thank you for your blessings.

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  31. Mindy,
    I write not because I have anything profound to say, only because you have touched my heart and my faith so powerfully through your willingness to surrender to the Lord through this journey. I want you to know how powerfully He is using you and how far reaching your faithfulness is. I have been reading your blog since last March and I have never commented but I do now just to encourage you that I am praying for you and so so so thankful for you.

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  32. I hope that your holidays were as good as they could possibly be...XOXO

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  33. Thank you for continuing to share such personal parts of your life. I absolutely loved how God loved on you through the article that was found in the backyard. I have been thinking of that post for awhile. God is tangible and I love hearing how he,loved on you personally. It's amazing grace!

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