It is hard to believe that it's just been a month since everything started. The headaches, the MRIs, the surgery, the hospital stay, the insertion of his mediport. And all of this to our beautiful and healthy four-year-old.
We've given up asking God, "why?" That road was a dead end. The truth is, bad things happen all of the time. We live in a fallen, sinful world. I can only imagine the unspeakable things God saved us from without even knowing. Bad things will happen. But it is up to us to decide how we will respond.
As people of faith, our answer is "God." God has always been so good to us. As far as I might have felt from Him during these past few weeks, I knew He was there. Despite how angry I was at Him for allowing this to happen, I knew that He loved our son even more than we did. And He would carry us through. Just as He has always done.
Reading through the flood of Facebook messages from strangers, I have been humbled by the many ways God is using our testimony to influence others. One of them, in particular, moved me to tears. It is from a man who I'll call Todd. If he finds this page, I hope he will not be offended that I copied his words here:
You may not believe it but due to hardships that now seem pale in comparison I am not any longer a spiritual man, I have lost my job of 25 years and house built for my parents, and all literally all our possessions, nothing but the clothes we had on, no year books, pictures, collections, trinkets from my parents, even had to give the dog away to an anonymous care taker, had a wife, 3 kids and 2 grand kids there to take care of... we only have the internet because we are using the upstairs persons link... we depend on heap to pay our utilities when we receive our shut off notice now... I am in my 50's and have to start all over and really do not relish the idea of passing in an apartment, sounds funny but I miss painting, cutting the grass, putting on a new roof, having to generally fix and take care of things, it keeps one occupied so you have little time to think about problems, an apartment only allows you to dwell on your issues... I say all this to tell you that you have moved me so much that you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers... I have already prayed for a miracle I sincerely hope it helps coming from a wretch like me... God bless and keep you all
Did you catch that? He prayed. For us. After not having talked to God in years. I have a feeling that God was especially sensitive to Todd's selfless prayer and I pray this is the beginning of good things for him as well.
After reading that message through sobs to my husband, I realized: this is not about me. It's not about Ben. It's about the Lord. And the plan He has for everyone.
"For a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed." 1 Peter 1:6-7
For whatever reason, God is using our circumstances to draw people to Him. So many stories, just like this one, of people being drawn to God because of how they've seen Him throughout our story. The world does not revolve around us. We are just one piece of the puzzle. And people are watching to see how God will move.
When the doctors tell you your son has a 3% survival rate, you know that if he does get better, it was not because of the medicine. It was the Great Physician. The stage is set for a miracle. And we are trying to move over and let God do His thing.
Because His love has never failed us yet. Not even once.